Last post was, admittedly, a bit negative. But I think it is important to highlight negative things in life that one wants to avoid. The lesson is a positive one. Seeing things in other people that you DON’T want to do can lead to really constructive changes in your life. Equally as beneficial is seeing things in other people that you DO want to incorporate into your own lifestyle. Like I said before- a hell to run away from, a heaven to run towards. Dr. Jordan Peterson sums it up well in this video. Fortunately, good examples are easier to find now than ever before.
A couple of good searches on Instagram, YouTube, or Twitter can yield tons of results for people and pages you find admirable. All of these platforms will outright suggest other similar pages to follow, along with giving you a steady stream of similar content on Explore or Recommended. Once you start making a concerted effort to seeing certain types of content, social media will continue to put more in front of you. Hell, with how advanced their algorithms are and pervasively they follow you through every other app and website you use, you really don’t even have to try that hard to start getting content recommended. The Explore/For You page on Instagram really is a reflection of what keeps your attention, sometimes without you yourself knowing that’s the kind of content you’re into.
An important thing to remember in seeking or admiring any role model is they are human just like you and therefore not perfect (except for Jesus- but I’m not going to get into the metaphysical). Not every part of them has to be something you want, or even like. Just like the negative examples I gave before, a person can exhibit lots of behaviors and traits that draw both your admiration and your disdain. Parse through what you do and don’t want to embody. But just because you have set them on a high pedestal does not make them infallible. And just because they aren’t infallible doesn’t make them completely undeserving of admiration. It’s up to you to decide what qualities or decisions make someone irredeemable in your eyes. Bill Cosby was objectively a very successful comedian. I personally still wouldn’t advocate for anyone to hold him in high regard, even if it was strictly for his achievements in entertainment.
Role models found online that bring you value are great, especially if you have alarms set to see what they are sharing. Looking at a phone is a potential trap, but consuming positive content would be using it for a higher purpose than mindlessly doom scrolling. To borrow a quote from Seneca: “Each day acquire something that will fortify you against poverty, against death, indeed against other misfortunes, as well.” However I’m often a bit cautious of placing too much faith or trust in someone who does most of their motivating online. It is much easier to present the image of positive habits or traits than it is to actually live them. I do think finding someone in your real life is healthier. Talking to them face to face, along with seeing their example being set in actual time, builds a much deeper connection and can offer a fuller understanding of what they do and why they do it. Experiencing the results of their habits in the real world certainly makes a bigger impression than an influencer sharing the view from their mansion or posing in front of their Lamborghini (which is probably rented anyway).
Experiencing the results of their habits in the real world certainly makes a bigger impression than an influencer sharing the view from their mansion or posing in front of their Lamborghini (which is probably rented anyway).
I’ve been extremely fortunate to have several great examples in my own family. All of my grandparents, who are by another stroke of great luck all still in my life, have shown me excellent examples on how to live life well. They all are incredibly hardworking. And I mean hard. Like the kind of hard work that comes from growing up on farms without electricity for most of their childhoods. Between the two couples is more than a century of marriage combined. They have shown me the importance of being involved in local community. All are active in their respective churches. I mentioned my grandfather last week who showed a good example of what not to do when it comes to physical health. Although not entirely his fault given the times and circumstances he grew up in, he did not have healthy habits. However he has always been an example of generosity. If you are in his good graces, that is. Christmas gifts that I get for my family every year have been, in effect, paid for by him as he has always given cash or a check in addition to other presents. When I was in college that money was lifesaving. He’s also given me not one but two vehicles so I had something to drive after high school. Had the first one not exploded on the interstate, I wouldn’t have needed a second, but I digress. I still drive that vehicle to this day. That generosity extends beyond just his descendants. God bless you if you are his server at a restaurant and don’t happen to be up to his standards. But if you are, he is one of the best tippers with whom I have ever dined, and it’s always in cash too. The yearly theme park trips, with money for snacks and games; being a good storyteller- I could go on and on. He has for sure set an example that I intend to follow when it comes to being generous to others.
My other grandfather has given me plenty to follow as well. Something he has done in his life that I particularly want to start doing more in my own is having an established morning routine. This man has woken up at 4:30 every morning of his life since he was in his 20s. In his retirement that has always been followed by a walk of several miles. Last year he turned 80, he and my grandmother celebrated almost 60 years of marriage, and to celebrate both they went for a hike. He lives in the desert southwest, and he knows just about every mountain in sight of the interstate from the airport to their house as he has hiked them all. He has outpaced me on every hike I have been fortunate enough to accompany him. I look to him as an example of physical fitness and longevity. He was also not afraid to buck trends early in his life. In the 50s and 60s when he was in school, typing was seen as an almost exclusively feminine skill. Typing class was not offered to boys. Only secretaries needed to know how to type and women were secretaries. He wanted to do it though. His school begrudgingly let him after initially declining. That skill eventually saved him from going to Vietnam, as the Army was looking for people who could type for their offices in Berlin instead. Without having stood up for himself to take that class, he would have never have met my grandmother, and I would have likely not met my girlfriend, but that’s a story for another day. He also gave up smoking in his early adulthood, at a time when about 40% of Americans smoked and cigarettes were literally a part of his rations in the Army. His dedication to the military did not end when he left Berlin. In his retirement he has driven thousands of miles for the VA, picking up veterans (many of whom are younger than him) to take them to their medical appointments.
My grandmother grew up in post WWII Germany. She, just a toddler at the time, and her three siblings had to make a harrowing escape from the encroaching Red Army and start a life anew in the rubble of the war. Thank God that happened to be in the West. From her tiny village in northern Germany she wound up in Berlin working in the offices of the British army, which happened to be next to the Americans. Soon after she was in central Nebraska, having said goodbye to her family, some of whom she would never see again, like her maternal grandparents still in East Berlin. Berlin to Greeley County. Talk about a culture shift. I am now getting ready to make a similar move, just the other way around. Knowing she had the courage to go so far in a time of much greater political instability and reduced ability to communicate back home has inspired me to have the courage to do the same myself. That courage and the high value she places on education are two ideals I need to do better to incorporate into my own.
My other grandmother is an amazing example of service to others. She is the definition of a homemaker. Cooking, cleaning, sewing, child-rearing- she does it all. I don’t know if I have ever heard her complain once about any of it. She is very active in her church as well. They have a knitting club where every blanket or scarf or shawl they make is donated to shelters. At every potluck, social event, or holiday meal she either makes something, is the behind the scenes setting everything up, or both. Every Thanksgiving my mom gets into a fight with her because she’ll do ‘too many’ dishes. Because of all of this she expected nothing but good manners from her children and grandchildren. Just suck it up and do it, and expect good manners as a reward. That’s probably the greatest lesson I’ve gleaned from her. That and an enjoyment of the little things in life. Whether it’s just a silly pun or newspaper comic strip, I have seen her howl in laughter at the tiniest things. She showed me how to find the humor in just about anything.
I’d be remiss not to mention my friend whom I discussed in Part 1. He was probably one of the goofiest and most lighthearted spirits I’ve ever met. He literally always found a way to have a good time. I will never forget his laugh. If you heard it once, there’s no way you could. You would hear it from across a crowded bar above everything else. In his passing he has left me inspired to have more passion for the rest of my life. And to try and leave even half as much of an impression of joviality that he left on everyone in his time. From complete strangers to his closest friends and family, he will always be an indelible impression of fun.
From complete strangers to his closest friends and family, he will always be an indelible impression of fun.
I am so grateful to count such incredible people among my family and friends as examples to follow in basically all aspects of life. Of course there are many more I could write about here, but then I’d be going on forever. I have been unbelievably blessed to have so many enriching people in my life.
This turned into an essay mostly about my grandparents. That is not coincidental. I know how improbably fortunate I am to have all four of them in my life still, especially in light of the events of the past three years. I am also preparing for an international move. The time I have left with them is more than likely short as it is, but now there will be an ocean between us. I love them all dearly and cannot thank them enough for everything that have done for me nor ever even attempt to repay them.
That’s the point though. I was never supposed to be able to. What I have to do is take their examples and lead my own life in a way that exemplifies those good qualities. I have to do the same for my own family, should I be lucky enough to have children and grandchildren. I didn’t have to look far to find qualities I would like to reflect. They have been instrumental in that. Now it is my turn to be that for others. I implore you to reflect on the people you have in your life and do the same.